Ten reasons why Susanne is banned from chess club

1 The Pushing

2 She is the Rani, and thus a genius, and so wins all the time

3 She doesn’t like coconuts

4 We are in our thirties, and no longer attend school. Also I went an all boys school, and so no girls allowed

5 She never makes the first move

6 She drives the zamboni over the board during mood

7 the incident in Tesco’s in 1999

8 She spent all the chess club money on Lush products

9 She won’t give you sweets

10 She doesn’t turn up because she is attending Clan meetings