Conan

My brother, wanted to see this film, in the cinema. I was not so keen. It was not as bad, as I thought it would be. It would have made a decent, pilot for a film. But as a piece of cinema, not so much. It lacks the scope, and the spectacle of the Milnus-Arnold S, version

Anyway, I wrote a walk through. There are spoilers here...

His Mother gives birth on a battlefield. In a particular clean delivery. Very good, of the enemy, to let this happen.
I had an idea, for how conan could work. Attacotti, merc, running around, the roman empire, at its fall. Picking up a war band, and moving to the mainland.
Horned helmets/ Really I should not critique that.
Conan wants to be warrior. The test is to carry an Egg unbroken, in the mouth up and around the hills. A fraternity test?
``Well by Crom boy'' Crom Cruach, the big God, from the Celtic Panetheon
Young Conan is ambushed by the Horde from Xena, red skins. Woad. Mo hawks
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Xena:_Warrior_Princess_(season_4)
The Hyberoeans foes are carrying copies of the Battersea shield
http://www.britishmuseum.org/explore/highlights/highlight_objects/pe_prb/t/the_battersea_shield.aspx

The villan has a multiracial warrior band, and is fighting Nordics
This is there church…The word church implies christintay.
Spudgun, is one of the baddies
Older conan, team, are multi racial. His African buddy, refers to people as pink bellied though.
Older conan frees slaves. His warrior band, drop rubber rocks down a hill. With CGI, now, cheap, why use something that looks, fake?
There is an American accent on Conan...
Pot smoking seer. He is the chief monk, of some ancient and lost city. But again, he is smoking pot... Its getting more mainstream
Blond actually she is brunette, with an Asian American soroity sister plays vestal virgin, she sits listening while her monkish master, preaches
Another American accented friend. The older version of the villians daughter
Desert, city. Forest, ocean . The film, really scowers the world for scenary. It does not seem to get a sense of the vastness of the world, that the Milnus version did.
Ist that the set of hbo’s rome, as the Villians, forces storm the city. In which the monk, was living with the pretty woman and her Asian American sorority sister. Remember the Arnold version, was written by John Milnus, who also worked on HBO’s rome

Protect the master. The love interest cannot be passive. How many women are going to watch this film?
Oh the bad, guys have a chariot. Interesting!
Marique the female villain, looks like a suicide girl. Again, her father, comes off as too sympathetic
There is an incest subplot subtext. It looked like the villians, were beco7ming to intelligent., too sympathric again. The father brushes it off.
Johnny lee miller, has terrible teeth, and a native accent. Funnily enough he survived, the night, after being ambushed. Miller, tries to swap, the pure blood for gold/
Marique, is dressed like evil lyn.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Evil_Lyn
Battle in the place, does not go well for Conan
The tales are true.. Does he have, scales and a golden eye.. Conan's African friend asks, him? Thats a nice touch, the power of rumour
Barbarians, do not enslave their children. or sacrifice them to God. This is from the Howard source material. Its not true. Its the noble savage myth
Cimmerian women dress as warriors. Again heroine cannot be passive
Oh, the fight, on the ship, involves, a crate of chickens, falling on someone. Nice cliché
The love interest,(Tamara) has a peaches and cream complexion.
Tavern scene at the end of a movie.. rather than the start?
There is expoiton, of why the badies, need the heroine.
A battle with the baddies, dragon. Sorry been reading to much tv tropes. A battle the antagonists, squid monster
Okay onto the ceremony. The pure blood. She is purely descended, from necromancers. I thought It was an odd, trope for an American movie. Anyway, peaches and cream, is having her blood drained
The show down,
The villain tells the Cimmerian, he does not like him anymore

Evil lyn/mMrique and peaches and cream, have their battle too. Mariqure is dressed in chainmail, with a loose thread, and very little else. Marique, has her hand amputated, and peaches, commits, the coup de grace. Marique is impaled. We shall ignore that symbolism!
Villian, is dressed like the Kurgan, from Highlander. ( Khalar Zym, I wonder if that was a reference to zimry Lyn)
Peaches and cream-Tamara, almost falls to her death during the final battle
Oh, it is all circular, Zym repeats his words to Conan's father. Oh but Conan gets , the upper hand...Hurrah!

Zym, the villain, falls to his death. Calling his wives name. You see sympathetic to the end
He leaves Peaches, at her city, which was not burned? And than buries his father
Cue Credits....