Pitiless as the sun,

Let me take you back, from these troubled times, to a simpler age. It was Spring, no perhaps summer, about five or six years ago. I was napping on a Sunday afternoon. Anyway it was warm. Quite warm.

As some of you know, I have two windows, in my bedroom, they open out, onto my roof. My neighbours, have a rooftop garden. We are very close physically.

As I was lying down, I was in an odd position. my neighbour's wife. Who I think, has now moved on. Got up, in the Garden, walked back into her house

I realised my neighbour was topless.  I did not see anything. I saw her back.

In fact my first reaction, was to move away.

So I told the object of my affections at the time. Paola. She did not take it too well. (I didn't notice) I then compounded my error, with the inspired statement. ``I don't expect you to act like a Nun''

I realise exactly what, I did wrong. However at the time, I didn't. Paola, after three days came back to me.

But it was never the same the again. I felt powerless, from then on

I watched everything I said, everything I thought. Which of course, lead to a speedy decline, in my relationship, with Paola. My confidence was gone. I felt powerless

Why did I open this old wound. As I realise, I a similar feeling, to the one I have now. Of Helplessness. I watch the Markets fall, the Bankers, beg. There is nothing I can do. I know the reasons, why. The banks have overreached. There is too much debt. The bubble has burst. The business cycle turns back.

I always skimmed over the great depression. When I was studying history. I actually had to ask, for a simple explanation for it, in one of my history stories. Its too depressing. At least, in WW2, people could do things.

This is often, as I feel with women.

Looking back, I learned how to deal with my father early on, and easily. If you have to tell him bad news, do it at 5am. If you want to annoy him, chat to him during dinner time. The thing I notice is that my sisters seem oblibivous to this.

I started smoking, to have an excuse to chat to girls. Part, of my reason for quitting, related to a woman. Some of you will have noticed that I drink much less, with a `gf'' then I do when I am on my own, or with my brother. Yes, I hold my tongue.

I don't just hold my tongue with women. I learned to do this long ago

``Tell them nothing''

I don't tell them, what I think at work. Doubt I would last for more then 10 minutes.

``what do you think rurr''

``1 don't call me Rurr. Thats what my friends call me, your not one of them.

2 I think you should be sacked. I think its an insult, I have to work with you. I think its an unholy alliance, of family contacts and social engineering that stuck you in your job. I wonder what the hell, I did in a past life, to deserve to have spend 5 minutes in your company.

So here we are again. The cycle, has come full circle. The markets contract. I have lost to the vagaries of the exchange rate, a hoodie, or a dinner at hooters. A taxi fare to the airport and back. I am single again.

The sun rises and sets, and in its rays, we are helpless.