The ground on which we stand.

Further to my post `` The tides of life'' Further to my diaries. Further to my e-mails and postings. 

 Today I found out by accident. The girl I had a brief relationship, is in a relationship with another co worker. It is over then. Its time for closure. As I will never say this to you I am sure I made mistakes. I do not think, I would have done what you did. When I am with someone that person becomes my whole life. I think you insensitive, in your choices. I wonder now whether you were testing me I tried to be friendly with you afterwards but you ignored me. You seemed to make no effort I didn't think it would last for ever, but I thought you would always be in my life. 

That is hurtful Whatever you say, I listened to you. That said it is done now. I wish to forget it. You made your choice. I do want to thank you. If it wasn't for you. I would not have returned to NC. I ran. I ran as far away as I could IT was torture being where I was. While I was in NC. I met up with my friends. I met with my Valya later. I was safe. I remembered something. I was with people who remember me. When I was frustrated nerd/Borderline case. When I was howling at the moon. Talking trash, and throwing bottles at cars. When I was burning myself with cigarettes when I was drunk. When I stank of cum, and nicotine. When I cussing out my family on the phone. When I knew nothing about nothing. When I was too lazy to go to class. Let alone do a decent days work. When I was drunk and angry playing asshole. The drinking game. 

When I ran out of money in Canada, and cried like a child . Along with other unforgettable hits. 

 Chris and Rebecca are still my friends. They invited me into their beautiful home. I saw the life they had built and how happy they were. They counselled me... I spent time, with their family. It was good. I was happy. Its not a word I normally use here... Then there is my Valya. She came into my life by accident. I was on ICQ one day, and she added me. She became my closest friend. She is the only non family member I have on phone. I just used to hit on her online. One day, I got really sick, when I was talking to her. Since then she has helped me She stood with me, and we had dinner. I drank too much. I whined about the noise. She is still my friend I have my faults. I am not perfect. I took a risk, with you. I think you treated me casually. I had the deepest of feelings. Hell I was in Love with you. I think you got bored. So I ended it first. I really didn't want it to go that way. I still want to thank you. I went home. I remembered where I am from. I have never been handsome, tall. I was never ever able to pick up a woman at a bar, and I can't now. I am often not likeable

. I do have issues. I am also Valya's friend. I am also Chris and Rebecca's friend. Nessa, and Charlotte, and too infrequently these days Magga, are my friends because I have good days too. I made my choices. I stand by them. I often stand physically alone with them . I stand by them. Whilst sometimes I may be weeping the ground on which I stand is firm. I remember that now. I remember who I was, and that I have grown. 

 I will get on with my life now....

2021 - Gods 

2022 I am friends with pretty much no one mentioned here